So i did mention that i was going to try and update this more often didn't i? lol I had a revelation last week it came very subtly i almost wasn't sure how to piece it together till someone interrupted my reverie. Let me start off the story properly.. or maybe in order i was never one to actually go 'in order' lol.
About a month ago i went to my nephew's baptism, i rarely if ever get a sunday off from work but i had to request it because my cousin IM'd me (she knows how to get my attention) and asked if i was going. I agreed it has been way too long since i've spent quality time with the rest of my family (most of whom reside in jersey mind you).
I was glad i did it was very relaxing just going and seeing my family again, though we ate at a banquet hall afterward it was still pretty good. It was hard to pinpoint the feeling at the time but i was pretty happy that i did go and spend time with the family.
Last week though i had to work on sunday i had a late shift so i managed to swing by my cousins house for a bbq. Awesome home cook/grilled food i almost forgot what it tasted like, to eat with family an eclectic but very good food. Which brings me more or less to my point as i was sitting there watching my nieces and nephews play in the yard i just smiled. My cousin Janet asked me if i had anything on my mind. I told her that i rarely get to spend time with family and i'm glad that even if it's only for awhile that i am able to.
I guess i was just remembering how when i was young we would play in my aunts backyard running around and waiting to eat off the grill. The weather was actually really nice almost summer like despite being mid september. It almost seemed like a dream that's when it dawned on me that the feelings i had was that of love of my family. It was odd so many years toiling at work missing family get together i almost forgot what it felt like.
Events like that make me thankful that i have a tightly knit family it was great to have an eye opening experience like that. I was happy all day at work despite everything that happened. A lot of work is being done internally on myself, it's weird i am always adapting and changing my moods. I have always been a fickle one i suppose always questioning motives and what not.
I realized that feelings tend to get in the way of looking at things rationally, you are so caught up in the aura of someone that you aren't realizing the danger. You aren't seeing whats happening to you, you are just blissfully carried away like a sirens song to a sailor oblivious to the danger that will swallow you whole. Emotions tend to always get in the way though, you can't help it. You think you comprehend what is going on but you miss the obvious signs and make excuses for a person when it's painfully obvious what's really happening.
Then again i think that's just life in general, sometimes you just want something so much you are ignoring the facts just to live part of the dream you had thought out for yourself. You make excuses and you over look things just because you wish just this once things went your way. Like i said i am always learning and adapting and this is definitely i lesson i had to go through in order to see more clearly.
Now i have renewed my purpose and take that experience with me moving onwards, after all there is no real point in dwelling on something. History is merely a reference point, not a focal point in one's life.
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